Getting Started… all over again

“Instead of saying, -I'm damaged, I'm broken, I have trust issues- say -I'm healing, I'm rediscovering myself, I'm starting over.” ― Horacio Jones

I think we all understand that feeling of freedom… of wild abandon… the moment we decide (or admit) that we are ready to let go of the restrictions of eating healthy in “diet” mode and step into the real world of “real eating mode”.   That fantastic feeling of freedom and electricity as we plot and plan how our day will revolve around new food choices…

(queue record scratch sound)

The truth is, that very feeling is exactly why diets fail.  Maybe, it’s the word diet, maybe it’s the restrictive feeling, maybe it’s … everything that we’ve been writing about and talking about, Freedom, Control, Power, Choices, Goals… maybe we are just tired of paying attention to what we eat.

I feel no guilt about the abundance of food choices available to me and my family, because I have the money to pay for it, because I live in a nation that supports it, because I live in an densely populated suburban area.  Not Guilt. EXCEPT. Maybe a little guilt.

Weird right?

The fact is… with Weight Watchers I don’t have to deny myself ANYTHING.  I can eat anything I want, I have YET to find something that I couldn’t add to my calculator… but it’s a give a take.

To eat healthy, to stay healthy, I have to understand that not all calories are equal.  I have to understand that it’s not just weight loss that’s the goal, I’m really on a “anti-aging” quest.  A way to keep my body functioning well, longer.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I will be using the weight watchers app on my phone for the rest of my life.  NOT because I’m dumb, but because I need the reminder.  I need the company, it’s like a friendly tap on my shoulder saying…  You know…  that Taylor Ham Egg & Cheese breakfast sandwich that everyone is talking about is 65 points.  Is ANYTHING worth 65 points?  Do you really want that sandwich… will that bring you joy right now as you sit at your computer in working looking at having to sit there for another 7 hours… or… is there something else going on?

Food satisfaction had become my #1 GO TO COMFORT.   

I realized there are so many things that I allow into my life that do NOT bring my joy or comfort or closure or any positive influence or energy.  AND, for a short (very short) period of time, I can forget about all of that by having something that activates the pleasure parts of my brain in a way that for the 5 minutes it takes to eat it… I think I’m in heaven.

BUT where am I… I’m back in my crappy job.  I’m still overweight.  I’m still looking forward to … nothing.

Getting Started –> Starting Over

I’ve lost 17 pounds.  That feels great.  I was really tempted by the Taylor Ham Egg & Cheese sandwich on Friday at work, so I had to take a long hard look at what works for me.

FIRST, it was GREAT that I looked it up on the weight watchers app… because just seeing the number 65 points, was very off-putting.  I seriously did not give it a second thought.

SECOND, I did not fall into the sabotage of co-workers that tried to get me to join in on their food debauchery.  I realized that they are no friends of mine as they try to talk me into something after I had said, “No” and;

FINALLY, I realized: I don’t like much about my job or most of the people I work with.

I think my weight loss has helped me have the confidence to admit to myself that I don’t like my job.   For me, it’s hard to believe that I would stay at a job… for 10 years, working over 40 hours a week… unhappy.

I imagine there is a job that I’d like, I don’t dislike work in general… I believe that there is something fulfilling and sustaining and even something that will allow me to thrive out there.. I just need to find it.  So while I search for “that thing” I will FLIP my dissatisfaction about my work environment and pay attention to the things that I DO like about my job.  For instance:  The weekly paycheck that pays all the bills. 🙂

Starting Over

I realized that in order for me to live healthy and thrive I need to make sure that my life does not REVOLVE around food and food choices.  I need to make sure that the weight loss isn’t the goal, but rather happiness is the goal.  This diet has brought to the forefront how I was allowing myself to eat emotionally.  Literally, if I was dissatisfied, felt a lack of control over a situation… what is the ONE THING I knew I could control?  What I put into my mouth!  right?

With happiness as my goal, I’ve decided to add another layer to my new habits.  I’m adding ArbonneArbonne has a long history of providing planet friendly pure botanical driven makeup and nutritional products.   I’ve decided to join Arbonne and in conjunction with Weight Watchers step into their 30 days of healthy living.  It’s really very simple and an easy transition from where I am right now.

In my case, I’ll just be adding a delicious chocolate shake to my diet, and continue to organic.  The shake contains the vitamins and minerals that I’m missing from my normal eating habits.

Why do I call this starting over, because I’m revisioning how I’m viewing my weightloss, and instead of “dieting” now I’m changing the chemical reactions inside my body to be more properly aligned and balanced.  So, the internal conversation I’m having isn’t about weight loss now… I’ve got my tracker, that’s working for me. I’m going to continue to do that.  NOW, it’s about something else.  NOW, it’s about wellness.   AND as I grow healthier and healthier I will have more stamina, more energy and more courage to make other changes.  Who knows… maybe I’ll change my job.

Possibilities

I have spent a lot of time in my long life (52 years) thinking about, talking about, complaining about the things that I don’t like.  It’s time for me to take what I know I don’t like... and use that as a guide for achieving the things that I do like.  Building a life that is heading towards and experiencing more of what I do like, takes intention, goals and a lot of positive self talk.

The Fact Is:  I have failed thousands of times.  I will fail a thousand more times… but that is never a reason not to try.

Let me know what you think.  What challenges have you experienced that you’ve overcome and learned from?

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