Karen Wonders Why She Got Where She Is

lao tzu is losing it over 40

There is something  very therapeutic in writing in the 3rd person.  Detaching from myself while I talk about myself helps me be more honest.  AND, as a result, when I read it back, I see the wisdom and insight that I may normally miss.   Last night I was editing the second of two Podcasts that I had been neglecting.  (www.losingitover40.com/podcast/) I don’t know why I was putting it off, because I clearly LOVE to hear myself speak… but I was.  It was like I just couldn’t bring myself to sit down and listen to our conversation about weight loss, and goals, and overcoming struggles…

and… I realized something about myself and I’m sharing in case you struggle with this too.

I am feeling unsatisifed. 

The truth in that statement is immediately clear to me as I write it and then try to reject it.

People will think I’m ungrateful.

People will think I’m spoiled.

People will think I’m dumb because I “have” so many things and can do and be so much in so many ways.

The truth stands.   And the fact is, that while I think that other people may have an opinion, it doesn’t change how it feels to me.  I have been feeling unsatisfied.

Dieting doesn’t fix that.

My sister and I touched on that in our last podcast 

It is almost as if I actually thought that I just needed to lose 20 pounds and suddenly everything would be fixed physically, emotionally, spiritually.

It’s like I’m fighting a battle and I don’t know the rules.  On the one hand, we are taught, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset” and on the other hand, the world is filled with possibilities and if you don’t get upset (even a little) you’re never going to get more.

I don’t have control over what other people have… I can only control how I feel about it, and the story I tell myself about my own possibilities.

Yesterday I decided to change my point of appreciation.

Yesterday I decided to practice more gratitude and thankfulness.

Yesterday I began to notice more things that are absolutely going my way, and lining up for me and my family and it feels… good.

I’m going to let you in on my secret step by step process

Step One:  Pay Attention

I noticed that as I looked around and “noticed” things I noticed them in a way that kind of judgey.  When I started to pay attention to the things I was thinking about, I realized I was measuring myself against other people and their things.  Sometimes even telling myself a story about that person and their nice car, or lovely home.  The fact is, I don’t know them and maybe that nice new car is the only thing they have… so, I try to stop that.  When I notice I’m comparing and analyzing and judging… I try to stop by changing my thoughts towards appreciation.   I have A LOT to be thankful for!  As I’m speeding down the road and see a nice SUV… instead of my normal reaction, I tell myself how much better my family fits in our mini-van.   In short… I’ve stopped giving into that perpetual feeling of lack and “not having”… or measuring and judging.  When I realized that I had been spending so much time beating myself down against what I “imagined” about other people… it was easy to remedy.

Step Two: Having a “Go To” daydream

I have a dream.  (actually several) but for today I’ll share one dream.  I have a dream of being a certain weight. I day dream about how that will feel next summer (because that’s my goal time-frame).  I day dream about the shorts and t-shirts I’ll wear.  I day dream about being outside smiling and talking with neighbors, walking and meeting new people.  When I day dream ….   I try to incorporate all of my senses, how it will feel… look… smell… sound… (…. content sigh…)  I day dream about sitting at the lake and writing and enjoying the fresh air and sounds of children and birds and … the sun beating down and slightly burning my shoulders but cooling off by a slight breeze off the lake.  Yeah, I love that day dream.

Be careful to keep the day dream positive and don’t fall into the trap of the “negative followup” … You know, when you say what you want… then immediately say why you won’t get it.  Just … say what you want an bask in the great positive feeling.

Step Three: Recognize All Success

In my head I seem to spend a lot of time telling myself how I’m not “good enough” or if I’m really honest maybe I even feel a guilty for being divorced and a single mom and having my kids watch the struggle.  The fact is, I have 3 great kids, doing well in school, polite when they are out in public with interesting and kind friends.  I have a full time job, several side jobs and projects, as well as great and supportive friends and family.  AND as of this writing I have lost 17 pounds.  Even my pajamas are fitting fantastic. I realized this morning as I came downstairs to sit and write … it was all easier.  It was easier to move, it was easier to get dressed… all easier.  That is success.

Karen Wonders how she got where she is now

When I started writing this post, I didn’t really know where I was going with it… but I know now.  I know now, how I got where I am right now.  One Word: Autopilot

I flipped the switch on, and I just sat back and cruised to where I am right now.

For the most part, it has been great!  A lot of wonderful exciting things have happened over the last 10 years… but I realize that when I got divorced 10 years ago, I went into a kind of survival mode.  Then 7 years ago, through a series of events, I started some online businesses that changed my perspective (and income) and I took a step out of survival mode… but really just, and since then I’ve been in Status Quo mode.

I think it’s time for THRIVE mode. 🙂

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